Saturday, 24 October 2015

Sword Art Online: Man, the DLC Is Not Worth the Price

Sword Art Online, for those not in the know, is one of them popular animes that you either love or hate. To get my opinion out of the way: Mother's Rosario > SAO >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Everything Else. Glad we settled that debate.

Anyways, today's story, The World of SAO by Veridan, is a typical OC story about being trapped in Aincrad, and what said OC does during those two years of imprisonment within the game. As the author himself puts it...

When sarcastic and smart college student Terran gets trapped in a virtual reality game, he's mad, and vows revenge on the creator, Akihiko Kayaba. Under the alias Terris, Terris goes to complete all 100 floors, but he has to go up against 99 bosses, death guilds, monsters, traps, dungerons, and his arch nemesis, Kirito.

...You can tell it'll be a whole load of fun to read. So, let's get started...

I'll admit… I've never been a gamer. I play games, a lot, but gamer is a bit of a stretch.

I dunno, you seem to play more games than the filthy casuals, from the sound of things.

However, even I will admit that I am hyped for this new game. And so, fast forward three days later... Sword Art Online, considered to be the most amazing experience in gaming history, a VRMMORPG (Virtual Reality Massively Multiplayer Online Rope Playing Game. I know it's a lot, shut up.)

Right now, there's not much really happening. "In three days, I wait one more day to play a game" is the gist of it. And a joke about the length of an acronym, I suppose.

 I got one of the last copies, one of the last 50. I was really lucky, so I ran home and slammed my door open. Went straight to my room and logged on. I didn't even eat anything.

Now that might as well be a death flag for you, guy. Come to think of it, do you even live with anyone else?

I hadn't eaten anything for like, a day.

See what I mean? The twist is that this guy will suddenly die in day 4 for no readily-apparent, in-game reason, right?

"Link start!" I yelled and suddenly, a flash of blue appeared right before my eyes. I made an account, put my username: Terris and password: monkeykill29 (yes, that's my password, I was bored).

Well, thanks for the login info, genius college student.

By the way, why do you even need to make up a new username? Does the blatantly "Japanese" name Terran not sound awesome enough for you?

I chose my avatar; I was a tall, handsome, fearsome warrior with blue hair and red knight outfit. I was a freaking badass, if I do say so myself.

Pictured: a badass

I did some other annoying calibration stuff, and then I was inside the game. Flashes of blue light appeared around me and plenty of other avatars spawned. I took no attention to them and ran to the market.

SAO was revolutionary for having no annoying tutorials of any kind on start-up, and for it being super-easy to navigate without practise.

 I spawned without a sword which is really freaking dumb.

I'll say, is that supposed to happen?

-After a quick katana purchase and some boar-killing-

I was teleported to the plaza. The blue sky was completely filled with red hexagons. A red blood like material oozed through the cracks, and it turned into a man in a robe.

Well isn't that a slightly odd event. I hope you've prepared an adequate reaction to this.

He said some weird stuff about how we're in a game and trapped, no log out button, but then he sent me a mirror. I equipped it and I turned into someone else. It wasn't my avatar, but me. It was me.

In other words... not someone else, Mr. Smart College Student.

 I was a tall person, with blue hair that went to my eyebrows. I wasn't the strong warrior anymore. I was still tall, but I was skinny and not strong at all.

In other words again, since your stats were not affected by the change, and you're apparently already tall and blue-haired... almost nothing at all has changed about you.

Again, smart college student.

I still had the costume; however, it felt weird on me. I was pissed.

Yeah man, Kayaba is such a dick, making the armour not fit right. Thank god he didn't do anything worse, right?

"At this moment, over 200 players have been deleted from the world of Aincrad and the real world." The man said.

I don't think that happened right this second, but fair enough, things are still following canon.

I started to listen to his conversation;

You've only just started to?! What kind of idiot skips important info during the cutscenes?!

however I was still mad at him for getting rid of my awesome avatar.

Fuck the 200 dead players, though. Scrubs, the lot of them.

 He said some other stuff I didn't listen to, and he left.

Are you secretly DarkSydePhil or something? This is kind of serious shit, here.

 I slowly snuck out of the crowd, bought some potions and teleport crystals and headed for a different freaking village. At least they didn't take away my freaking avatar.

Unlike... uh... Village 1? Is this arrogant fuckhead really supposed to be our hero of the story?

We'll move onto chapter 2 now, given how short this story is.

"Stupid Kayaba. Taking away my avatar. Screw you." I mumbled slowly to myself as I ran to the next village.

What does he think he is, a mass murderer or something?

 I was so mad, I was killing boars in one hit, flipping over virtual tables, and didn't even notice the other guy running towards the next village as well.

I know Asuna broke the sound barrier or whatever in canon, but breaking in-game rules like that is still stupid. Kind of defeats the point of limits in games, y'know?

Also, thought you were bitching about how weak you were now, Smart College Student.

We collided and were thrown back a bit. I rubbed my head in pain and we both got up.

The only two people that have left the starting village, and you somehow completely blind-sided each other while running in the exact same direction.

You and this story's interpretation of Kirito are so dead.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry man!" He scrambled reaching for my hand to pick me up. I grabbed it and he helped me up. "I think you dropped this." He picked up my sword and handed it to me.

And with that, Kirito, the guy rushing to the next village in order to get a massive headstart on the level grinding and crap, immediately resumed his jour-

"Sooooo… is first time in the game?" He asked.

Ah, sorry, I meant to say that he initiates dumbass small talk for no readily-apparent reason.

"Yup. I just bought it today, one of the very last ones." I replied to him.
"Nice. I like it so far. I was a Beta Tester."

"I'm glad Kayaba listened to our recommendation for the starting event. We can weed out all the scrubs so that only us hardcore gamers remain."

"Hey, you need help with getting around?"
"You heard Kayaba…"
I reminisced about that moment. I didn't listen to a thing he said.

Well, don't blame the game when you have no idea what's happening.

"…the easiest way to win an MMORPG is…"

Never start one to begin with?

He took away my avatar. I have a general hatred for him now.

Yeah, how dare take away the appearance that looked almost exactly the same as your real-life look?

"...I know my way around and I was thinking…"
I suddenly realized that this kid was asking to be in a guild with me.

Classic Kirito, creating guilds with random people, when not two seconds ago he refused to join one with a guy he'd gotten to know, because he much prefers being alone and not being held back!

I touched the blue button and he smiled.
"Glad to work with you, Terris?" Is that it?"

"That name sounds dumb. Terran would've been way cooler."

"Ki-ri-to? What kind of name is that?"

You have no right to talk. At least Kirito could pass for a real name.

"No, I didn't. How far away is the next village?"
"This way. It's about 5 miles that way." He pointed west.
"Okay. Let's go."

And with that amazing scene, the story so far has concluded.

So... yeah, I honestly have no idea if this is secretly a troll fic. Terran/Terris/Asshole is such an unlikeable, callous dumbass than I'm led to believe it is, but... it's hard to say.

Either way, this fic cares little for canon, and ruins one of SAO's two good arcs (well, covered by the anime so far). Not a fan of it, I'm afraid.

Thursday, 8 October 2015

Fullmetal Alchemist: Angry Edition

So you know how there's seven deadly sins, and the antagonists of Fullmetal Alchemist are named after them? Turns out there was a secret eighth sin all along. I know, weird how it was missed, but that's okay, now it's been rectified with today's fanfiction: Rage: The Eighth Homunculus, by bopdog111.

Now I know what you're all thinking already, and no, it isn't just a prequel starring Wrath. Somehow, rage is completely separate, and I suppose he gets a few whacky adventures?

Rage the eighth Homunculus watch as he travels around Amestra with anyone. The son of Riza Hawkeye, and Colonel Roy Mustang. He fights Homunculus or anything that makes him mad. Rage/BaileyxWinry

So I can only assume this is post-finale, or vastly AU. I'm guessing the latter, thanks to "Amestra".

I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist but i do own Rage. By the way this is before Riza joined the military.

Well, that too.

In a lone village was people walking, taiking, and selling stuff.

Talking or taking? This is an important distinction, probably.

"Ben! The usual?" A guy selling hot dogs ask. "Yeah same old same old." Ben said before a buliding exploded.

It's because Ben's alchemy requires a building to blow up before he can consume hot dogs. It's called Equivalent Exchange, man.

Now the people were screaming, running, and hiding. A pregnant woman with blonde hair into a bun, white tank top, brown shorts, black boots, grey eyes, and pink lipstick was running until a black fingernail emerge from the smoke. The fingernail hit her shoulder she screamed in pain as blood run down her shoulder.

This feels like a strange ensemble of colours to put on. How is it conductive for fleeing random acts of terrorism?

She looked behind her to see a woman wearing a black dress, long black sleeve gloves stopped above her shoulders with red markings, black shoes, long black hair, a grey tattoo that shows a snake eating it's tail with spikes on it's head

Just keep checking off those bullet points, I'm sure you'll reach the end of that appearance list eventually.

and back wings above it and a jew symbol in the center on her chests

I also would have accepted "Ouroboros wrapping itself around a hexagram. Especially when Judaism has nothing to do with the series. I can't imagine the descriptor "jew symbol" goes down well, either.

"Hello Riza Hawkeye." The woman in black said. Riza looked at woman in shock before she said her name "Lust." "Oh my you know my name all to well." Lust said.

"Which is weird, since I kind of don't make it very public. Nor do I personally blow up buildings for that matter."

Lust stop behind Riza and ready her other hand. "Ah well i like to see how Roy will reacted when he sees you dead." Lust said.

Lust was very well known for her hate-boner over Mustang. It's, like, the first thing you remember about her.

"No Lust! Please i have a child on the way!" Riza begged. Lust looked at Riza's expanded stomach, chuckled and said "Ah yes how would i forget that? But i don't care." Lust ready her hand and charge.

Good point. Hard to forget if you don't know - or care - beforehand.

Before it will plunge her face a white gloved hand with a transmutation circle on it grabbed Lust's hand.

"As it did nothing to stop the rapid growth of a fingernail sharp enough to scratch adamantium however, Roy's heroics were in vain."

Lust and Riza looked at the owner and Lust said "Colonel Roy Mustang." Roy is a man with short raven black hair, blue uniform suit, white gloves, black boots, black eyes, and white pants.

And that was all there was to him. Doesn't even own other clothes.

"Lust you will not kill her." Roy said coldly. "Roy you know it's rude to interrupt somebody's business." Lust said. "Not when it's between my wife." Roy said. "Fine." Lust said as she remove her nail from her shoulder.

Dank bants, fam. Or whatever the hell the lingo was back in the AU of a 1930's AU. Uh... sweet conversation, chap?

As she was walking away Roy and Riza hugged each other then Lust stopped walking catching Roy and Riza's attention as they separate each other from the hug.

I think Lust remembered that she's supposed to be over-the-top evil here.

"But-" She started then she turned and fired one of her nails impaling Riza's expanded stomach.

Can't wait to make some dead baby jokes!

Riza slowly looked down in shock with Roy staring at the nail in horrar. "-I can't get away without killing something!"

You blew up a building and still failed to kill anyone? Maybe you should leave the blatant terrorism stuff to the other homunculi, Lust. You seemed way better at the scheming.

Lust laugh as she retracted her nail and ran. "SOLDERS AFTER THAT HOMUNCULUS!" Roy yelled in rage to some solders with tears whelling his eyes. "Sir yes sir!" The solders saluted as they ran toward Lust.

...So why did these soldiers watch Lust stab a pregnant lady, attempt to kill her, make contact with the colonel, stab the same pregnant lady in the stomach, then flee while laughing like a maniac?

By the time they got to the hospital they were waiting. For the review on the child.

Is this how. You write in. A Shatner-like voice? Or maybe just. An overly-dramatic fashion. In general?

Then the doctor came out holding a clipboard. "Well i got good news: Riza will be fine after some stiches." The doctor said. "What about our child?" Roy ask. The doctor hesitated at first before saying the answer "I'm sorry it's dead." Then he left.

I, uh... I don't think I have a joke sufficiently witty enough to point out the rampant dickery with that doctor. Granted, that's not stopped my hilarious commentary before, but... wow.

Well, guess I could give it a try. "Yo man, good news! Your wife's alive, at the cost of your baby. Sucks, lol. See ya~"

Roy and Riza were horrified. "Roy." Riza sobbed with tears running. "I'm sorry Riza i shouldn't left you." Roy said in saddness.

If only you could have predicted an explosion that somehow led to a homunculus targeting your wife for no adequately-explored reason.

...Why was she being targeted? What's their history with Lust? This is pre-military Riza, after all... in which case, why the hell are those two married to begin with?!

Then three doctors came in "Colonel you must leave this room. We will prepare a C-Section to get the child out." One of the doctors said. "Alright." Roy said as he left. Then Riza relize something and thought I know! I will preform human transmutation to get our child back! Before she fell asleep.

Riza is known for her horrendously stupid decision-making, yes.

...Well, okay, I suppose Riza would be broken up over the murder of her unborn child, but... Riza in any timeframe seems a wee bit unlikely to jump straight to "let's bring him back to life with an alchemy that's never actually been known to work, lol".

A couple of hours later they got the dead child of Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye out since then Riza had a dream about her bringing her dead child back.

...Dreaming of her dead child since a couple of hours ago, when the baby was removed? Does the FMA universe even have anaesthetic that good?

"How is she?" Roy ask. "She'll be fine." The doctor said. Roy waited patiently for Riza to wake up. Then Riza opened her eyes. "Roy?" Riza said. "Riza." Roy said as they share a kiss.

Riza. Roy. Riza. Roy. Riza. Roy. Glad to see the classic chemistry between these two is untouched.

"Roy what was it?" Riza ask. "A boy." Roy answered. A week later Riza study human transmutation then she was ready.


So it only took a week to learn all about human transmutation, huh? I always assumed that everyone else who tried took a little longer to work things out, Ed & Al included.

Oh, and I guess I should ask the obvious question: Since when was Riza an Alchemist?

Then she was standing in front of a huge gate. "So you've come." A voice said. She looked behind her to see a being that looks white, a dark aura coming out of her with a smile and she is holding a baby boy. "Is that?" Riza ask. "Yes this is your child." The being said. "I want him." Riza said.

Well... no shit, I suppose.

"What are you willing to trade me for him?" The being ask. "Trade?" Riza said as the being nodded. "Yes." The being said. "Then my way to use Alchemy." Riza said. "Deal but They're is a price your son will become a Homunculus with much knowledge."

Seems a fair trade. Also seems like a thing Truth would mention. It was always nice like that.

Back in Riza's room. Riza woke up to see her son getting up. "My child?" Riza ask with a smile. When the child turned Riza saw red eyes glaring at her. She also sees her son's Homunculus tattoo on his stomach.

Riza's motherly instincts took over, and she immediately scolded her son for getting tattoos instead of a job. Kids these days, man.

The boy then said in a dark demonic voice "Hello Mother." Riza's smile faded.

I think Riza just realised that her son came from a Creepypasta world.

"RIZA!" Roy yelled as he opened the door. When then the boy saw him he ran. "Riza are you alright? Riza!" Roy said. Roy looked out the window seeing the child.
"Hello Father." The boy said as he ran.

It's times like these that I wish I could kidnap commission an artist to capture moments like these. Is Rage just casually speaking over his shoulder, while fleeing the house or something?

The birth of Rage and no he'll not team up with the rest. Be sure to review.

And with that devastating spoiler, the chapter comes to a close.

So... yeah! Rage! I can only assume that's what most people feel while reading this, given how... um... short it comes up. Everybody is pretty OOC, the AU thing only mentions a pre-military backstory for Riza, yet just about every detail is changed, and Lust... seems to prefer letting the whole world knows of her exploits now.

Well, if there's anything to that law of Equivalent Exchange, I should be able to find one good fanfic per bad one, so it shouldn't be too hard to find something that'll catch my interest! ...Right?