Saturday, 29 July 2017

Sonic the Hedgehog: Second Fastest Thing Alive

So I hear the Sonic fandom produces some interesting content. Let's see what fishing in the shallow waters gives me.

Knight the Hedgehog: Awakened by FanFictionKid 999 is our lucky subject for today! Let's see...

Knight the Hedgehog. A Hedgehog with no memory is released by Sonic the Hedgehog and Miles "Tails" Prower on May 7th, 2017 a year before Eggman takes over 99.9% of the Earth. And when he is released the reason Eggman trapped him there is too. A darkness is roaming free and anybody with even a little hatred can be affected. The Story leading into Sonic Forces begins here.

I have to wonder what that .1% of the world is that Eggman couldn't conquer. Is there a three-mile long island made of magnets or something?

I'm also glad we're using a unique animal for the OC. Can you imagine if they chose something that at least four other characters are already based on? That would be rather repetitive, wouldn't it.

So then, we got ourselves Hedgehog #826, somehow captured by everyone's favourite Humpty Dumpty cosplayer. Let's see how this goes!

"Hello! Can anybody hear me! I am trapped down here! SOMEBODY!" I shouted to no one as I sat at the bottom of a whole thinking…

Good thing we've established that Knight was not so much 'captured' as 'fell into a hole'. It's rare for the summary to be contradicted one sentence in!

"Man, Never thought Eggman would leave a base like this so empty right Tails?" I heard a person say his voice sounding so familiar…
"I know right. This place has some early sketches for Metal Sonic… And oh look at this Sonic! It looks like some prototype Metal Sonic armor…" I heard.

Since Eggman apparently didn't have a single robot guarding the place, the next best method to show this is, indeed, the doctor's base is to have some of his old concept art lying around. Seems like a thing he'd do, I guess?

-Knight calls out for help-

"Um… Who are you?" Sonic asked me and I sensed a friendly aura from him just by the way he looked and talked. "Can you um assist me in getting out of this cage?" I asked him pointing at the key on the lock

So Knight is in a cage, and not a hole? Or a whole? And the key is already inside the lock? Er... is this cage the standard 'metal bars only' thing? Surely you could have freed yourself long ago if that's true.

"Um sure." Sonic said staring at me the whole time. He then unlocked the key and I walked out and gave him a huge hug.

That's adorable and all, but how does one unlock a key? I'd always thought it was the key that did the unlocking...

"It has been years! Well for me if I think I just turned 16 January 23. I said smiling at Sonic. 

Years?! How can you even tell what day it is if you've been locked up for years in a deserted base?!

"Okay… So how did you get here?" Sonic asked me a concerned look on his face. "I was running through this um… Green Hill Zone place where I ran into a portal and it transported me here."

Wow. So not only were you not stuck in a random whole, but you weren't even captured. You just tripped on a random warp panel and happened to land inside a goddamn cage. I feel so misled right now.

I looked at Sonic with a smirk on my face. "Race me Sonic." I asked him out of the blue. "Are you sure you have been locked up in there for three years?" Sonic asked me out of concern.

""I like a good race and all, it just doesn't seem fair to race against an opponent who hasn't eaten or drank in so long that you should have died after less than a week of captivity," said the blue hedgehog with super speed powers."

"Yes please." we then indicated a race field around the whole world to this point and we got in a racing position.


I ran in front of Sonic my speed topping his only for him to burst from behind me passing me but I followed closely behind him keeping up when we saw a gigantic loop and I dashed forward using some new speed I gained somehow passing Sonic.

No idea why this is bolded in the story but there ya are.

Also, of course he can keep up with Sonic running at his fastest. The malnourished OC who sounds like he should be wielding a buster sword can easily match pace with the character whose gimmick is in his name,

-They then proceed to run so fast that time slows down, because I guess they both can tap into the Speed Force or whatever-

Sonic I feel like if I run any faster something bad is going to happen." I said to the blue hedgehog who then looked at me dead in the face.

I am enjoying the mental image of Sonic giving this vacant stare to Knight as they both run faster than light can travel.

-The race is finished instantly once Sonic teaches him to breathe or something. Good thing there's no whiplash involved going from a billion mph to 0-

'How did I end up here' I thought and Tails looked at me shock covering his face. "You just broke the Multiversal Barrier. Something only Hyper Sonic can do… Knight… You… Are…"

""A textbook definition of a Mary Sue..." the dual-tailed fox whispered in horror."

Confession time! I am but a mere casual fan of the series who has only ever beaten Shadow the Hedgehog and Sonic Rush. The hell is this multiversal barrier? Is this what's introduced in the official Sonic OC Generator game coming out?

"I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT!" Shadow the Hedgehog shouted at Tails and Sonic as their friends looked at me surprised.

Uh wait what hold up where did Shadow come from?

"So you are Knight the Hedgehog. Nice to meet you since I am the last one here I guess you haven't heard about me. I am Amy Rose… Sonic's one and only…"

Uh wait what hold up now Amy's talking? This is literally the next sentence after Shadow's intro. Where the hell are they all coming from? Are they still in Eggman's abandoned base? Where did they say the finish line was?

"Okay see Sonic said you would try something like this so I know you are not his Girlfriend.


I then walked towards the Shadow and offered a hand out to him but then he stared at me with a glare. "Um Hi I am Knight the Hed-" I started but then he grabbed me by my hair and ran off with me with Sonic following closely behind us and the he threw me to the ground in some forest.

...Well. That was rude. Is it just me, or is Shadow acting more like a spurned lover than Amy is?

"I don't know much about you. Where you are from how those idiots found you but I am here to make sure you really are the quote on quote "Fastest Hedgehog Alive"

Not quite how you say 'quote unquote' Shadow, but good try. Also, that is an... incredibly niche title, no? Between the four hedgehogs that exist (so far), only two could make such a claim. Now, if it were 'fastest thing alive', then I could see some more competition brewing, but...

He then threw a punch at me but then like with Sonic time slowed and I dodged the punch and struck Shadow in the face with a hard swing knocking him back and then he kicked me across the face sending me into the mud.

Guess I can't call him a Mary Sue any more. He took a hit and fell into the mud. I was too hasty in my accusations.

-They scuffle for a bit. with Shadow using Chaos Spheres because escalation-

"My memory is slowly coming back to me now… Yeah… I was an experienced knight by the the KING! Yes… KING LANCELOT!"

he started giving Shadow a beatdown faster each punch until the Hedgehog gave a whimper once he brought his fist in for another punch. "Scared? Likewise. Not many people have lasted fights with me. Most have died.

Oh man such an uber badass however could anyone compare with this compelling, lovable and not-at-all boring protagonist.

-We switch to Shadow's POV as he's left behind by Knight. And I guess Sonic-

I lost… To a Hedgehog who is inferior… Speed and Strength how do you match that…

Shadow proceeds to contradict himself in a single sentence. Good job, man.

Sonic is speed and I am Strength how do beat a person who bested us in both of those things… he must be Selkadoom's reincarnation… Yet… I feel like… He isn't…

First: Since when did Sonic and Shadow represent speed and strength respectively? They're both exactly as fast as each other, last I checked, and the only thing 'stronger' about Shadow is his chaos control ability, right?

Second: The hell is a Seikadoom?

Shadow didn't notice a dark energy flowing from the ground toward him and as soon as he felt it's presence it lashed at him entering his mouth strangling him before fully going down his throat engulfing him in the darkness causing his eyes to go completely red and the red on his black spines turning a dark purple and he screamed "KNIGHT THE HEDGEHOG!" Into the air before with a smile dashed forward ready to kill the Hedgehog himself.

Lovely. Let me guess, no one heard this bestial roar, and despite immediately giving chase to the hedgehogs - who were not stated to be running or anything - he will fail to catch up to them for some reason.

-Another POV switch-

"And that is what happened." He said to Sonic who looked at him with a somewhat look of admiration but a small tinge of fear that he hoped Knight couldn't notice.

Sonic is well-known for fearing opponents, yes. Despite that though, he cannot help but admire King Lancelot's (seriously wut) super ultra awesome omega great supreme hedgehog knight.

"Hey Tails," Knight said to the two-tailed fox who looked at him to the calling of his name. "Yes?" "Do you know where King Arthur's Kingdom was?" "Um… Yes I have it mapped. Why do you want to know?" "Easy."
My sword is waiting for me

And with that totally "badass" line - which was not spoken aloud and is kind of awkwardly taped to the end - we finish this chapter. I will decide not to question why Tails has Camelot mapped and just assume it's got something to do with that Wii game that had Excalibur in it. I wonder if this story will establish that Arondight once beat the shit out of Caliburn or something.

Oh yeah, there's this little author's note here, too.

So Knight will have a Central Role in things (In a Bad Way) and yes the breaking of the Multiverse Barrier is Knight's current top speed putting him above both Sonic and Shadow in speed and strength respectively. So give a good reason if you think this story is bad so I can change it BUT Knight stays this story would be nothing without him.

Somehow I doubt we will miss much if Knight was removed. But hey, might as well summarise my two cents here:

Overpowered OC who is yet another hedgehog in a series that already has plenty of them, uninspired name with a random-as-hell backstory, the entire premise is a mess (how does someone as powerful as Knight get captured by Eggman? I guess just have him fall into a cage and never bother using the key that was already in the lock!), and basing this on a game yet to be released seems... pointless. Is there even enough information to go off of anything?

I suppose I should just pat myself on the back for not looking at Deviant Art to make myself feel better.

Tuesday, 25 April 2017

Inane Ramblings About Fanfiction Trends: Touhou Edition

Welcome, those unfortunate enough to stumble upon this blog, to a slightly different post than usual. This time, instead of cherry-picking a random fanfic to comment on in a desperate attempt to be funny, I instead tackle a certain cliche/trope/concept as a whole, in order to moan about how much it irritates me. I assure you, this is quite the productive use of my time.

There're certain trends that fandoms seem to follow, I noticed in my search for stories to read. Reoccurring elements and plot lines that seem to universally adopted by every fanfic writer for no particular reason, beyond general laziness or... just not being much of a writer to begin with.

Today's fandom shall be Touhou Project, and the most sinful of fandom cliches that the series could possibly spawn... male original characters.

Image by altronage
Gaze upon him and despair

"But RandomVideoPeruser!" My imaginary audience queries in unison, "whatever is the problem with guys?" And the answer to that is... absolutely nothing! Male OC's aren't a problem in and of themselves at all. That much is blatantly obvious.

However, Touhou is one of those series where every named character, except for like two or three, is female. Out of well over a hundred. Probably 150+ characters at this point. It's hard to keep track between all the media Touhou incorporates. Either way, the only guys you'll ever see in Touhou are a pink cloud who is effectively an extension to another character, or a shopkeeper who's only really appeared n a few manga stories.

So what exactly is the problem with using male OC's? It's obviously not an ironclad rule that only girls exist in the setting. Well, again, there's no problem with it. The issues come not just from the idea of 'let's create a guy' and more... 'let's create a guy for the sole purpose of being stronger than every single canon character. And make a harem out of them all'.

A tiring trend I've noticed is the sheer abundance of "a perfectly ordinary guy is transported to Gensokyo for no reason, befriends whichever character had their name picked from a hat, and I guess he has a super ultra important destiny to fulfil". I'm sure there's been one or two good stories made with that formula, but this idea kind of ran its' ground years ago, and more importantly, I never cared for it, so there.

As of late, though, there's been a twist or two to freshen up the formula. These days, there's a lot more 'OC knows they are an OC and won't shut the hell up about it' stories, which is just riveting. As for the reason these people tend to get pulled into Gensokyo? Yukari. Just Yukari. That is generally as far as the explanations go.

I get it. Yukari's a mysterious lady who acts in mysterious ways for the sake of Gensokyo as a whole. She also generally has a goal in mind when she sets things into motion, instead of just inexplicably dropping the first fifteen-year old she comes across into the youkai-infested forest with no explanation. Or even a hello.

Returning to the 'OC stronger than all canon characters' concept, keep in mind that in this setting, we have someone with somewhat-limited reality warping, someone that can kill with a thought, another who can literally fly outside of reality (and that's just the three characters explicitly stated to be far weaker than another character in the series, even if they all teamed up against said person). Obviously, people can and have made female OC's that are just like that, and that's also dumb, but the sheer abundance of male self-inserts with these attributes is pretty insane.

Now, is there a point to my rambling? Well, no. It's a ramble. Rambling is pointless and I'm grumpy.

Damn kids, not letting me complain on the internet. Back in my day...

But sure, let's tie it all together in a clumsy manner, for the sake of taking something out of this. Putting aside the part where a lot of fanfic authors are probably pretty damn young, have nothing else to do and will probably forget about their fanfic five minutes after posting a cliffhanger opening... some advice to take, at least as far as Touhou stuff goes, is... make your character compelling, Male or female, what a reader wants is to be invested in the main character.

How to make them compelling? Well, for a start, don't make their description boil down to "Is basically my favourite character, but stronger/faster/their identical sibling/their Shadow, the true self". They need an identity. In the context of Touhou; why would Yukari whisk them to Gensokyo? No need to answer that immediately, but make sure you have a reason. What about them is so special that Yukari is not only aware of their existence, but only this OC of yours is uniquely suited to solve the problem that hundreds of others can't?

Hell, do they even need to be the main character? Considering the canon roster, you already have all the characters you'll ever need to write something out. Your OC could be a mere shopkeeper that occasionally gets screentime when things happen in the village? A generic youkai who may or may not be on speaking terms with, say, Rumia?

Of course, not everything needs to be some epic threat to all of existence, either. Touhou Project is ultimately a pretty light-hearted series, with rare moments of something more serious. Often times, the most serious problem of the day is whether or not one can be bothered sweeping up leaves. Sometimes, a setting is better suited to daily misadventures, than they are cataclysmic horror stories.

Image by Zerochan
Even if the best character is a terrifying monster that
no one else can defeat so don't bother stating otherwise

So, in short; if you want to improve as a writer in general, seek help from elsewhere. All I can do is point out the obvious and pretend I'm smart for doing so. Otherwise, I hope what little advice I can offer is of help in your future endeavours.

Now, back to making myself feel better with games anime various other activities fanfics.

Monday, 20 March 2017

Dead Body Party With A twist

Ya know, I like Corpse Party. Bit of a surprise, given my disdain for relentlessly dark and grim plotlines, but I guess there's always exceptions. Granted, Book of Shadows felt needlessly cruel, but I'm sure Blood Drive brings a satisfying conclusion! ...At least it damn well better. I think it's the only Vita game I want that hasn't been ported to the PS4 by now, it'll need a damn good ending to trick me into buying a whole console for it.

Inane ramblings aside, one thing I don't like is terrible OC's. Go figure. Sure hope I don't end up reading a fanfic starring one of those. Today's fanfiction is Corpse twist, by ChsisAnialation:

Takes place in the anime. Vandra Crest has fallen in the unrelenting hell of "Heavenly" Host Elementary along with the others. He will be faced with blood and death. If he survives, then will it change who else survive?

On the one hand, that name is already screaming 'fake special', on the other... Vandra apparently is a real name. Fair enough, but I'm also pretty damn sure neither that or the surname is Japanese. Vandra is also apparently a female name.

Quick note before I get into the story itself: I'm more familiar with the game, and as such I may misremember how the anime depicted a few things. That said, Most of the changes would occur after 'chapter 1' from what I remember, so I promise my critiques totally still apply!

"She opens the door really slow and peaks her head in and will ask "Is anyone still here?"." My horror fetish friend continues as I wake up.

...Odd way to start a story, really.

-There is a knock at the door. What door you ask? Surely you would know if you watched the anime or played the game. No need to establish the scenery at all, obviously-

"Is it just me or did you hear someone knock?" I ask with a yawn. I still haven't moved from my position. I can't be scared easily.

I can already tell you'll be an endearing character in this horror setting.

I do not excel in fighting, but I excel in evasive combat. I have strength and evasive skills.

In other words, you excel in fighting, Sir Humbebrag.

Actually the only other one I know is Mayu, Satoshi, Seiko and his sister Yuka. Last names mean nothing to me.

"I couldn't be bothered remembering or googling the full names of the characters, so here's a list of names I vaguely recall". Boy I sure am liking Vandra's personality so far. He's so chill and cool and awesome!

Also, your list is a bit out of order here, man. Unless Seiko is now a man and you made Yuka their sister instead.

The three invited me here. Can't really recall their names. The story teller is dubbed Horror Fetish. By me. (Seriously. Has anyone else forgot the name of a friend and made it awkward or is it just me?)

Gonna take a wild guess and say just you, buddy.

"Well it really can't be scary if it is about a elementary school. Only thing scary is how the kids are treated like angels while I was treated like crap by the teachers

You may commence rolling your eyes at this throwaway establishment of "waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh muh past".

 I can't believe little kids don't get in as much trouble as us." I state blandly.

Well, at least the author is aware of how Vandra is coming across so far.

The candle dies into nothing. It is now hard to see. The others start to scream like little bitches as I make myself comfortable on the floor by laying down on my back.

-One super witty quip about the classroom being empty later-

The light turns on showing teacher Yui Shishido. "Smart mouth." She complains looking directly at me. I shrug.

Man, the coolness is just too much. This OC is way too likeable.

"Brother!" The little girl I like to pick on calls running in.
"Yuka?" Satoshi says confused.
I grin. I stand up. "Well well well. If it isn't my short friend."

Can someone tell me why Vandra knows a girl who, despite being 14, both looks and acts half her age? She's Satoshi's little sister, but not even his friends really knew her before showing up here.
Also, 'my short friend' is about the blandest thing you could say, dude.

 I am still carrying the same grin. She starts to grin after Satoshi whispers something to her. "I don't like that look."
"Oh it's nothing Vandra Crest." She says through giggles.

I'm guessing Satoshi finally told her what his name was and she cannot stop laughing at how stupid it sounds.

"I didn't know Satoshi has a teacher." I think Naomi says.
The others agree. "I didn't tell you guys?" Satoshi questions.

I promise I haven't skipped a line here. We jump straight from Yuka giggling to something about Satoshi's teacher? Who is Yui Shishido, the teacher for everyone present except Yuka? I'm rather lost here.

"Let's do a ritual to be friends forever!" I think Ayumi suggests.

And this sort of comes out of nowhere when you completely excise the 'Mayu is moving away really soon' line. At least it gives more examples of Vandra being a dick via narration.

Another perfect chance! "There is no virgins for the sacrifice though." I immediately regret it as I am chased around the room by the girls. "It was just a joke!"

Hahaha... oh, that Vandra. Such a gifted comedian. Much like myself and my snappy snarking.
-Apparently this chase lasts a full half hour-

"OK! Ready." Everyone gathers. "This is called Sachiko Ever After! We each grab a piece of this paper and think in our head "Sachiko we beg of you" 10 times then pull it apart." Ayumi(?) explains.

I'm honestly surprised the ritual's steps remain intact here, to be honest.

I nod my head in understanding. "Let's do this my friends." I encourage.

"Especially those of you whose names I have no desire to remember or learn in any way. Let us be connected for all eternity, my valued classmates I happen to be in the same room as."

-Because I am nice, I won't show him writing 'Sachiko we beg of you' ten times in a single sentence. I am a merciful being-

"Thank you Ayumi!" Mayu thanks.
"Is she going to die Brother?" Yuka asks.

Well that sure was random, Yuka. Well, given that the author didn't bother to explain the context of the ritual, it's a fair enough question.

-Suddenly an earthquake. As Vandra can't get under a desk without it moving away, I guess lying in the centre of the room is a decent enough alternative. What are the odds of the ceiling falling on top of you, anyway?-

The quake stops suddenly. "That was quick." Naomi comments. I am in the middle of everyone. "Are you going to move anytime soon?"
I laugh a bit. "Nope! Plan on sleeping right here tonight."
"Lazy bum." Yuki giggles out.

"Hahaha, for all we know a portion of the school collapsed and are lucky to be alive!"

The floor breaks under us all suddenly. "Aaahhhhh!" Everyone screams while I grab for a ledge silently. I miss by a long shot.

I am honestly surprised he wasn't able to easily grab the ledge, front flip back up, and then somehow catch everyone before they fall. I guess it's a nice surprise.

I open my eyes yawning. "Nice nap." I look around at a raggedy classroom. Naomi is trying to wake Seiko up. Seems she hasn't noticed me yet.
Let's see if I can keep it that way. I would like to see how they react.

So your first instinct, upon waking up from a presumably large fall into an unfamiliar shithole of a classroom, is to potentially scare a girl who not only went through a similar fall, but is trying to wake up her best friend who could have easily died from said fall.

Vandra is such a likeable person.

A cold chill runs down my spine. I turn around putting up a defensive pose.
There stands a little girl with hair covering her face. She gives me a feeling that I hate: hate.

Ah, yes, hate. I hate feeling hate. Hate only harbours more hate, you know? We need less hate in the world so we can stop hating hate so much. I hate devoting all my time to hating hate, because it could be better spent loving lobe.

I frown. "I don't like this feeling girl. Get away kid." A warning shouts in my mind, so I jump aside avoiding a desk crashing through the half the wall. The girl disappears into thin air.

Of course he has fucking Spider Sense as well.

-Naomi and Seiko notice him and they leave the classroom-

We walk into the halls with me on the side observing the place. Seems to be a elementary school. A paper says Heavenly Host Elementary school.
I shrug at the useless information. So what? That thing I saw was not from heaven. That's for sure.

Because the one thing I would do when stuck in an unfamiliar location, is to completely dismiss all clues to its' location. As if anyone needs to know that.

I kick the doors. Doesn't move. "Oh hell no." I say. I pull them instead getting the same exact outcome. "Come on! That kid has to have something to do with this!" I accuse.

Again, genuinely surprised he isn't smashing the walls down right now.

"By the way Naomi. Patch up your ankle. I noticed you keep limping everywhere."
"I'll fix it up." Seiko offers.

Because of course only Vandra would notice such a thing. Not the girl supporting Naomi while they walk.

I finally see I still have my paper in my pocket. I pull it out. I look it over. It looks normal enough.
I shove it back in my pocket. A whole paper is in my other pocket. I pull it out. Seiko walks out. "I'm heading out to look for my piece. Later."

"I also heard Yuka crying earlier, but meh. Looking for a piece of paper I do not yet know is vitally important is way more worth my time."

I nod. I look over the paper. It is my science paper about rocks. Actually my friend Jasmine's paper.

What an... odd mistake to make?

She hates the teacher and school so much that she written rock as every word. I am dead serious!

Man, just look at all that hatred. Writing a single word over and over is just so edgy and extreme man.

Good to know this Jasmine person is equally as likeable as Vandra. Still has an out-of-place name for a presumably-Japanese schoolgirl, though.

Not many like her. She is by far my favorite part of school. Let's face it. My other friends aren't in my other classes.

What other friends? Are we pretending you actually like the other characters? You literally just said they're inferior to this previously unmentioned girl.

"Technically she has to give me a grade."
I chuckled at her. "Go for it."
"Actually, can you turn this in tomorrow?" She asked.
Flashback end

Boy that sure was necessary and engaging. Never mind that you summarised that entire exchange a few sentences before this flashback,

Naomi rips open the door and falls to the otherside of the hall. I look in the room. I fall back in horror. A black mist with evil eyes! "Come here Saa-chan."
It goes closer. I jump in front of Naomi. "Go screw yourself! This girl is under my protection!" I state to the thing. It fades away into nothing. "Good."

You did an excellent job protecting her by standing outside the infirmary, while Naomi screams, runs around the room, and tries to burn the hair off the door. How the hell did you miss all that?

"Go away!" She yells.
"Sorry I let it not kill you. Good day jerk." I then walk away down the hall. I walk into the bathroom then lay against the wall.

Yeah, you sure were vital in making sure Naomi survived, Vandra. What with you... having the world's dumbest flashback, while Naomi had to rescue herself. Thank god you're the main character. I can't imagine how this scene would play out otherwise!

A kid with no top head walks in and sits next to me. Being I saw a picture of this before, I don't care. "What's up mister?" It innocently asks.

I've seen some messed up stuff in pictures too. Doesn't mean it's any less terrifying when a headless ghost walks up to you. And speaks. Even though she cannot speak. Because she is headless. Specifically, from the jaw up.

It's not even a telepathy thing. This ghost explicitly can't communicate beyond gurgly moans.

I laugh a bit. "Have you tried to save a person, but they just throw you away as if you are trash?" I ask.

Gee, I wonder why someone wouldn't want to be around you.

I sigh. "No. I have been cast away by many in my life time. People tried to kill me before. Since I have always excelled in evasive combat, I never was. That is why I must get back to Jasmine." I tell the kid.

What even IS 'evasive combat'? I mean, it sounds self-explanatory, but even goddamn Jackie Chan takes a few hits now and again! I'd also ask why people have wanted him dead, but... really, if I couldn't guess after reading this much, I'd be pretty damn dense.

"Your love for her floors you right?" He guesses bored.
I grin. "I'm afraid she'll write all pebbles for science instead of rocks."
"She did that!?" He asks excitedly. "Show me!"

Just a reminder that this is a ghost of a...9? 10-year old girl who was horribly mutilated and murdered, and not only roams the school in constant, agonising pain, but is also left unable to speak due to a lack of head and tongue, and no doubt gave no fucks about what some random idiot wrote in a school report several years above her level. And is also almost always stuck in 'kill the living' mode on top of that.

"Wow! You have no love for her, but you need to get this turned in for her in fear of her hating you?" I nod. "That is a first! For that, I will let you live longer." He says handing it back.

So merciful. Let him live longer in a school with no food or clean water, and is stalked by several murderous ghosts and at least one super strong monstrosity.

I'd give points for the subtle evil there if that was anything remotely in-character for Tokiko to do.

-Tokiko the ghost disappears-

Seiko runs in with a rope. I rip it out of her hands and throw it. I wrap her in a hug full of meaning. That she is able to go on.

It's a good thing you knew exactly what she was planning to do. Even though this is not at all what happened in the story, but somehow I doubt the author paid attention to that bit.
(And even if Seiko planned to kill herself, the author had so kindly omitted the actual reasoning for this to happen anyway. Whoops!)

-The two argue over Seiko's desire to kill herself, with Vandra being totally badass and heartless for the sake of his 'friend'-

I punch her gut causing her to kneel over in pain. "Wrong answer." I state crying inside. Outside I am cold and in charge. A form I hate performing.

Then stop being a dick 24/7 if you hate it so much. Now, I'm no psychologist, but if someone were planning to kill themselves in front of me, I think one of my last options would be to beat them up over it. Dunno why, but it just feels counter-productive...

"Kill me already." She says. "Before this darkness consumes me."
"Darkness can only consume the weak. If you are weak, you are no friend of mine." I state darkly.

Good to know you care. Now stop talking like some shonen anti-hero and be a likeable goddamn person already.

She is in my grasp. I broke through that shell. "My friends are all strong willed to the end. No. Matter. What." I point to her face. "You acting like total bitch!"
"I am not!" She wails. Darkness starts to surround her.

She really isn't, honestly. Also, huh, the Darkening. Didn't expect that to be used. Well, let's see how it's handl-

"Then prove the will that I can be proud of when I hear Seiko!"
Everything lights in the room from her body. All shadows die in its presence even going as far as screeching.

...Well that was delightfully easy.

All of a sudden the rope I tossed raps around her whole body by a boy with no tongue. I stare in horror as it raps so far it rips her to twenty different pieces. Blood splatters all over my shirt and face. Adding the entire room.

...And that was randomly sudden.

She could have been the best thing in this hell. I never cared for little kids. This forces me to fully hate these kids here.

I can tell that the hatred seethes from your being. Just reading that statement riles my blood. Hear my anguished roar.

The boy zips at me so fast, untrained people would be so screwed. I grab his face and use the momentum to swing him around and break to the floor below.

...Where the fuck do you get 'clothesline a ghost so hard you smash it through the floor' training?!


I drop to my knees in front of Seiko's remains. I proceed to press my hands together. I believe there is some kind of God figure, however I refuse to worship some person that might be the last of some other race of super beings.

...I... wha?

The door opens showing a crying Naomi. "What happened!? Seikoooooooooooooo!" She cries out on agony.

Oh yeah Naomi you were supposed to be here, huh? Well, uh, have fun with the splattered remains of your plotline! ...Oh, uh, sorry, I didn't mean... yeeaaahhhh... moving on...

-Vandra leaves Naomi to cry, claims they'll be trauamtised despite being uber ultra badass, and comes across Ayumi and Yoshiki-

A wide demonic smirk rounds on their faces. "Well Mayu is splattered on the wall! It gave me so wet that I had to fuck this blond hunk here!" The demon girl laughs evilly.
I clap. They both look at me like I am the one that just made that lewd comment. 

Oh so they're rolling their eyes and sighing dramatically, too?

"As much as I would like to talk about what turns you on, I have to find Satoshi and Yuka." I go to leave, but stop. "Burn in hell for your trickery demons."

Oh man, so badass. I wonder what his next action is!

A howl of anger triggers my legs into overdrive. Gotta go fast. Crest gotta go fast. Crest gotta go faster faster fa-fa-fa-fa-faster! I liked watching that show.

...Confirmation that this was a troll fic all along? Huh. Well, let's see if the author's note has anything to say for this, uh... thing.

Cliff hanger? I have no clue to make one. Soooooo. Thisis my first horror story.

It shows.

Phew. That was an ordeal. And pretty awful, honestly. Let's compile a small laundry list of issues I have...

1) Vandra.
2) Horrible characterisation
3) Vandra.
4) Out of place horrible backstory, which is pretty impressive for a horror setting.
5) Vandra.
6) Removing/changing important scenes and thus eliminate a lot of context behind certain actions

It honestly feels like no effort was put into this work. I wanna be mad, but slipping in the Sonic meme makes me wonder if it was just a troll fic all along. Well, that and the clothesline. It's hard to take a horror seriously when you do that to a ghost.

Ah well. back to making myself feel better.